Pilot Steve

A father was at the beach with his children when his fouryear old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him tothe shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand."Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked."He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw himback down?"

*****

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, whichconveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft duringthe flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correctthe problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the formwhat remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheetsbefore the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense ofhumor!Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems assubmitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenanceengineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.S: Cat installed.

*****

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.

************************************************************************************